So yeah. I was so excited to start and actual, and I had one post over the course of a few months.
Let’s try this again!
Since the last post, quite a few big things have happened. I’ll sum it up real quick in nice list format:
- I broke up with my girlfriend of almost nine months, ending an unhealthy (and possibly abusive) relationship
- I decided I’m going to Truman State University since it’s my cheapest (and best) option (THANK GOD FOR SCHOLARSHIPS I’M SO HAPPY)
- I’m considering becoming Buddhist
- I had a kind of massive bonding night with my mom that involved driving around at two in the morning and calling the police because someone was suicidal
- I also cleaned my room!!
- Started trying to build productive habits for college
- Probably some other stuff, but it’s not coming to mind right now so
Alright, and the longer version, starting with the relationship….
We had started dating back on July 6th. Things were really good at first; we were best friends, and I was so excited to be in love. Etc etc things were pretty good then things got bad, and it turned so toxic and unhealthy. She was manipulative–and she admitted to it, recently, although without using the word ‘manipulative’. I knew things weren’t good for either of us. I didn’t know, however, if it was worth it to keep trying or not. If I ended it, would I escape an abusive relationship, or would I lose the love of my life? It’s still hard to believe wholeheartedly that I did the right thing, but after even my mom thought she had noticed her being manipulative….
As for Truman, yes I’m super pumped because I’M ONLY GOING TO PAY A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR (WITHOUT ANY LOANS)!!!! As long as I maintain a 3.5 GPA anyway. Which is why I’m going to get really good at studying. haha.
In all honesty, I don’t know where exactly I first started considering Buddhism. It might have been an article I read about the medical benefits of meditation, which led to some links about Buddhism. What really got me into it, though, was reading The Art Of Happiness by Howard C. Cutler and the Dalai Lama. From what I’ve read so far (a few books, and some online articles; I’m starting to read some of the original teachings of the Buddha), it seems like something that would mesh really well with my beliefs. I especially like the emphasis on compassion and thinking for yourself. One of the things that swayed me most, though, was how caring and content the Dalai Lama seems. So this is one of the things I’m going to start reading about a lot more. (I will also start reading the Qur’an, as soon as my cousin sends me a copy haha.)
Ahhh the bonding night was really personal so not gonna go into that. I’m comfortable sharing the odyssey that was cleaning my room though. It kind of hit me that I had a disco ball sitting in the corner of my room, pieces of a disassembled, decade-old TV, and a bunch of other random junk sitting around my room. I wouldn’t be able to bring most of my stuff with me to college, anyway, so what better time to clean it than now? I got rid of quite a bit of stuff, and it looks so much nicer now. I still need to go through my wardrobe (and my music library, dear holy god), but that’s a journey for another day.
With the move towards cleanliness, I’ve also been trying to wake up earlier. I’ve started putting dates on the large paper calendar I got at the beginning of the year, as well as keeping better track of papers I need to deal with later. I’m planning on implementing the GTDCS (Getting Things Done for College Students), as laid out by Cal Newport. I’m really determined to be as effective as possible at keeping a high GPA in college, without completely sacrificing my social life. ‘Cause getting out of college without any debt sounds really nice.
In that vein, I also intend to begin tracking much of my life–new Japanese vocab studied, amount of unhealthy food I eat, lines of code I write, how much I exercise, etc. All of this will be posted on this blog for public accountability.
Ahh, 700+ words. Not too long of an update. I realize this post is all over the place, but I just really wanted to get something up here.