And as the year comes to a close…. my seventh post

Oops. So I kinda haven’t been the best at posting regularly. In the coming year, I’m hoping to change that. Fingers crossed haha.
So the past few months have been….. something. The trip to Washington, D.C. was incredibly empowering—being a college student and actually getting to talk, in person, with a handful of people who make the laws in our country was a really great experience. (On the not so bright side a friend from high school killed himself on my second-to-last day in D.C. We weren’t that close but I’m still messed up from it.) So I missed an entire week of college; catching up wasn’t too bad, but Calculus II was… fun.
Finals week, which ended on December 11th, managed to be enjoyable, in a way. I was prepared for my finals and that felt really, really good. (It probably helped that I only had two real finals, but…) The stressful part? The week before finals, I ran out of the antidepressant/anti-anxiety meds I had been for the past two years. I definitely noticed the withdrawal—everything felt sort of… off, I guess. It wasn’t awful, though. I’m not sure how exactly to describe, but I guess it felt sort of like my head was lowkey spinning for about a week straight. Which was a little bit stressful leading up to my cumulative Calculus II final, haha.
Thankfully, I managed to pull off all A’s for my first semester at college!
I’m really, really loving Truman. I’ve met so many great, kind, wonderful people. The environment there is a stark contrast to my hometown—there’s a lot more open-mindedness and acceptance, diversity, and motivation to do something good, than there was in my high school. It’s so refreshing.
Being home for Christmas break, on the other hand, isn’t the best. For various reasons I haven’t completely pinpointed, being home tends to lead to me doing a lot worse emotionally. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Quinton, and I went up to Columbia to hang out with some other friends a couple of times, and that’s helped a lot. There’s a lot of room for improvement, though, as far as coping; I’ve relapsed (self-harm) twice so far since getting home. The change in my mood/ability to cope while home has made it difficult to figure out exactly how being off my meds is affecting me; while I was at Truman, for the week I was off them, it felt like I was doing better, as far as anxiety and depression. But since I’ve been home, I can’t tell how being off them affects me; the last time I was home this long was during the summer.
And, speaking of being home, it will be the last time I’m home this long until next Christmas break. Over the summer of 2016, I’ll be working at Cerner, in Kansas City, as a Software Engineer intern. Being selected for an internship as a freshmen was a big confidence boost. I’m really excited to work in something related to my field, make good money, and stay out of my hometown for most of the summer (it’s about a ten week long internship). I’ll be living essentially on my own. Which is a mix of exciting and scary.